The seven best new films to watch online this week should not be watched without a snack at hand. Because, honestly, never watch a movie (or anything) set at a restaurant unless there's food (I just learned that watching The Bear on Hulu) nearby.
This is a necessary preamble because watching The Bob's Burgers Movie online means hearing the titular chef describe some delicious dishes. Or at least that's what he does before the chaos with the sinkhole, the murder mystery and Louise's emotional crisis take center stage. And the best news is that you can watch it on either Hulu or HBO Max (or on Disney Plus if you are outside of the U.S.).
Elsewhere, John Cho gets a starring role, as the people demanded, and action movie veterans take the wheel, as Bruce Willis' final film hits digital retailers and Mark Wahlberg joins Tom Holland in an Uncharted adventure on Netflix. A lot of the conversation surrounding the big red streaming machine that holds a slot on our best streaming services list, though, will go towards its Jane Austen adaptation and D.B. Cooper documentary.
Need more? Check out our fresh list of the new shows and movies to watch that dropped this past weekend. And you can fill your calendar with the 17 new movies and shows to watch in July 2022 across all of the top streamers.
Bob's Burgers (Hulu, HBO Max and Disney Plus)
Things may have finally gotten too dire for Bob Belcher. The patriarch of the Belcher family is up against both the bank that's unwilling to give him and wife Linda an extension on their loan and a giant sinkhole placed right between their establishment and all potential customers.
And inside that sinkhole, Louise Belcher's uncovered a murder mystery (because we don't have enough of those on streaming services). The youngest Belcher is also dealing with a big moment in her life, as a schoolyard argument has her questioning her own courage. All the while, their landlord Calvin Fischoeder and his brother Felix don't seem like they want to help the Belchers, at least not while dealing with their cousin Grover.
You can stream The Bob's Burgers Movie on Hulu and HBO Max right now. It also arrived on Disney Plus in Canada. It arrives on Disney Plus internationally (most regions save for Poland) on July 13 and on July 20 in Latin America
Wrong Place
Bruce Willis has taken down nearly every kind of villain, and the film Wrong Place pits him against a new foe. Frank (Willis) is a former police chief whose testimony is the only evidence that can take down the local meth kingpin (Massi Furlan).
Oh, and top of that, said drug lord sends his son and other thugs to kidnap Frank's visiting daughter Chloe (Ashley Greene). It's like these guys never saw Taken, as Frank wages a violent war to stop them. Wrong Place is likely Willis' final film, as he retired from acting due to his fight with aphasia.
Buy it now on services such as Apple/iTunes
D.B. Cooper: Where Are You?! (Netflix)
One of the oldest and greatest true crime stories centers around D.B. Cooper, who took advantage of the good old days when going to an airport didn't require passing security check after security check. Cooper casually hijacked a plane with a briefcase of explosives, and then split from the plane. It's such a legend that it was inserted into the Disney Plus' Loki show.
So, next-door sleuths did what they often do in Netflix documentaries: try to solve the story of D.B. Cooker on their own. While the film likely doesn't answer its titular question, it looks to be a fun stroll down true crime history.
Stream it on Netflix tomorrow (Wednesday, July 13)
Persuasion (Netflix)
Jane Austen didn't live to see characters breaking the fourth wall in TV shows or movies, so we can't guess how she'd react to this. Yes, Netflix's Dakota Johnson-led version of Persuasion is far from what fans of the novel may expect. Instead, some might do better by expecting Austen-by-way-of-Phoebe-Waller-Bridge, as Fleabag's influence is reportedly hard to miss.
Here, Johnson stars as Anne Elliot, who is still dealing with a break-up seven years after it happened. Now that she's reunited with her old flame — naval officer Frederick Wentworth (Cosmo Jarvis) — she's wondering why she listened to her family who urged her not to marry him. And if he's up for a second chance at love.
Stream it on Hulu on Friday (July 15)
Uncharted (Netflix)
While it may not be the Tom Holland movie you're waiting to hit streaming services (Spider-Man: No Way Home's Disney Plus date is stuck in the multiversal limbo, as it still needs to run on Starz first), this is the week where Uncharted finally makes its way to a streaming service.
In the film, we meet the orphaned Nathan Drake (Holland), who is working in bars where he can practice his five-finger discounts on unwitting customers. He's also constantly thinking about his older brother who skipped out on him as a child.
This is where we meet Sully (Mark Wahlberg), who offers Nathan a chance to find a huge treasure while also possibly figure out where his long-lost brother is. And once the two go off on their hunt, you'll soon realize (if you didn't already) that this is a video game adaptation. It's not Holland or Wahlberg's finest, but it's enjoyable if your expectations are properly set.
Stream it on Netflix starting Friday (July 15)
Zombies 3 (Disney Plus)
Seabrook is not like your average high school, since the student body is composed of humans and zombies existing in harmony. Or at least they were until they met a third force: aliens invading the city. They complicated senior year for Zed and Addison (who already had the International Cheer-Off on the table).
Of course, the aliens in Disney's Zombies film franchise aren't like the aliens from any movie you've ever seen. They, too, are (or at least take the form of) teens. So, we've got an interspecies war, as the aliens pose a challenge to humans and zombies alike. Zombies and Zombies 2 are on Disney Plus if you need to catch up.
Stream it on Netflix starting Friday (July 15)
Don’t Make Me Go (Prime Video)
The internet sometimes actually gets behind the right cause, and the #StarringJohnCho movement has a win on its hands with the actor starring in a Prime Video road trip film this week. Here, the actor leverages his practically unlimited charisma as Max, a dad dealing with a terminal illness and his teen daughter Wally (Mia Isaac) who doesn't always text him back in a timely manner.
To make the most of every moment he has left, he's asked her to join him for a getaway. As the title suggests, Mia isn't exactly eager for this father-daughter bonding time. Not knowing about his diagnosis, she'd rather hang out with her boyfriend, but the lure of driving instructions gets the two out on the open road. Make sure you have a hankie or two nearby, as Don't Make Me Go looks like it will illicit all the tears and feels.
Stream it on Prime Video starting Friday (July 15)
Next: Why you should watch The Bear, summer's best new series. Plus, the axe swings again: TBS just canceled this show. And this is the Prime Day OLED TV deal I would get.
