I’m a sleep writer — here’s how I chose a mattress that both me and my husband can actually agree on

Finding a mattress that will suit both you and your partner isn’t the easiest task. No wonder so many couples end up sleeping in different rooms to get a decent night’s shuteye.

Opposing sleep needs can make bedtime a battleground for a lot of couples — my husband and I included. He's prone to snoring and can sleep hot, while I’m a duvet hog who’s always cold. Fortunately, as a sleep writer and mattress tester, I’ve been able to try out many of the best mattresses on the market so I know a thing or two about how to choose a mattress we'll both like.

With the Memorial Day mattress sales on the horizon in May, now could be the perfect time to invest in one of the best mattresses for couples. But what should you be looking for? And, if you’re not looking to invest in a new mattress, how can you tailor your existing mattress to suit you both? Read on for my solutions…

5 non-negotiable mattress features that every couple needs

1. Sturdy edge support

One of my biggest peeves when testing a mattress is poor edge support. My husband and I are both tall and slim but we both like to spread out on our mattress (and there’s inevitably a foster cat or stepdaughter piling in there as well).

A mattress with a lack of edge support means you can’t use the full width of the bed, with the softer edge often leading to sleepers feeling as if they may end up rolling onto the floor. And, as a side note, it also makes sitting on the bed to get dressed in the morning somewhat of a challenge.

A mattress with good edge support means that both you and your partner will be able to spread out overnight, helping to cut down on the risk of either of you disturbing the other. Plus, it also allows both of you to sleep in a comfortable position, without having to contort yourself to both stay away from your partner and a sloping edge.

2. Strong motion isolation

I’m a light sleeper while my husband changes positions as if he’s fleeing a sinking ship. The somewhat dramatic movements aren’t conducive to keeping me asleep. So, how have I found a solution to this? The answer is a mattress that has great motion isolation.

Motion isolation refers to a mattress’ ability to prevent movement on one part of a bed being transferred to other parts of the bed. So, if my husband does a dramatic rollover in the middle of the night, I won’t feel it on my side of the mattress. Good motion isolation also needs to be backed up by decent edge support, to allow more space on the mattress to absorb any motion.

The best memory foam mattresses tend to have excellent motion isolation due to their dense, slow-moving foam which absorbs any movement from sleepers. However, many sleepers (including myself) don’t like the encasing feel of memory foam.

Fortunately, many of the best hybrid mattresses use individually encased coils, where each coil is wrapped in fabric. This allows the coils to move independently and helps to reduce motion transfer.

3. Reliable temperature control

My husband is a hot sleeper while I’m of a more reptilian disposition. While he’d probably love to sleep on one of the best cooling mattresses that actively lowers your body temperature while you’re sleeping, I’d probably be a shoe-in for hypothermia.

But even as a cold sleeper, I recognise the importance of temperature regulation at night. Good temperature regulation in a mattress helps to regulate the temperature of the bed and prevent overheating by keeping your body temperature stable during the night.

Out of all the mattress types I've tested, hybrid designs with the inclusion of coils help to aid airflow through the mattress are the coolest. But you can also look for mattresses that use open cell or perforated foam, moisture-wicking materials or infused foams to increase temperature control. The best organic mattresses are also a great choice as they use natural materials that are also naturally temperature regulating.

4. Outstanding pressure Relief

Have you noticed that when you’re lying in bed at night, some parts of your body come into contact with the mattress more than others? This contact creates pressure, so we call those body parts that come into contact with the bed pressure points.

Pressure points vary depending on your sleeping style – side sleepers will feel pressure at their shoulders, hips and knees, back sleepers in their lower back and hips, and stomach sleepers in the midsection and hips.

A good mattress will support and cushion these pressure points, providing pressure relief. Pressure relief helps to distribute a sleeper’s weight evenly, which reduces pressure at the pressure points, leading to a more comfortable sleep.

Now, I’m aware that my husband and I are quite lucky in this respect as we are both combination sleepers, so need the same pressure points supported. But what if you have different sleeping styles? I’d recommend picking one of the best medium firm mattresses, which combine firm support with plenty of cushioning for all sleeping styles.

5. Decent lumbar Support

As someone who’s suffered with lower back pain for many years, I know the importance of good lumbar support in a mattress. Lumbar support maintains the natural ‘S’ shape of your spine when you’re lying in bed, filling the gap between your lower back and the surface of the mattress to keep your spine aligned. This reduces pressure buildup and will help to prevent back pain.

The best mattresses for back pain will help provide this much needed lumbar support, with many of the top picks including enhanced lumbar support, whereby the middle third of the bed is reinforced with extra support to help keep the back supported.

Decent lumbar support is the first thing I look for in a mattress and the big advantage here is that it will help your partner as well. Even if they don’t suffer with back pain at the moment, a mattress with good lumbar support will help prevent them from developing it in the future.

How to make your existing mattress work for both of you

If your mattress is only a few years old or you haven’t got the funds to replace it right now, you might want to look at ways of tailoring it to help prevent the onset of sleep divorce. Here are three ways to tailor your mattress to help make it more comfortable for opposing sleep styles.

Choose the right pillow for your sleeping style

Choosing the right pillow for your sleeping style can also make a big difference to the comfort of your overall bed setup. The best pillows will help ease aches and pains, while providing the correct support for your head, neck and shoulders.

So, for example, side sleepers need a relatively tall pillow to support the neck, while back sleepers need a low loft pillow that will keep the chin in a neutral position. The correct pillow for your sleeping style will also help keep your spine in alignment, making your mattress more comfortable overall.

Invest in a dual sided mattress topper

The best mattress toppers offer a simple and more affordable way to change the feel of your bed, helping to add life to an older mattress. But the downside is that they generally tend to come in one firmness across the whole topper (soft, medium or firm).

This isn’t particularly helpful for the couple with different sleeping styles. Enter the Helix Dual Comfort mattress topper, which is soft on one side and firm on the other. You can currently pick up a queen size for $399 (MSRP $498.75) at Helix Sleep, but we expect the price to drop further as approach the Memorial Day sales.

Invest in an electric blanket with dual controls

If one of you is a hot sleeper but the other is always freezing cold, the right mattress can be a challenge. While the hot sleeper will need a mattress with good temperature regulation, the cold sleeper could find this too cool to be comfortable.

My own solution is an electric blanket with dual controls. This means that I can heat my side of the bed up before I get into it, while my husband’s side remains icy cold. Without my electric blanket, I doubt we’d still be sleeping in the same bed.