Ahead of attending an opening night screening of “Borderlands” last Friday (Aug. 9), I was bracing myself for the worst. At the time, the movie was sitting at a disastrous 6% on Rotten Tomatoes (it’s since risen to the heady heights of 9%) and my colleague had just brandished it with a one-star score in our “Borderlands” review. My expectations were rock bottom as the lights dimmed and the movie began ...
102 minutes later I emerged from the cinema, bleary-eyed and thinking to myself “Was that it?” Yes, “Borderlands” is a bad movie, and it’s pretty likely to feature somewhere in my top 10 least favorite movies of the year come December, but it’s most certainly not the worst movie I’ve seen over the past eight months (and I’ve seen 56 of them in theaters to date). To me, the critical and audience pile-on the movie has experienced over the weekend and into this week feels extremely harsh.
I’ve seen major online accounts tearing into “Borderlands” and labeling it among the worst blockbusters of the 21st century, and professional critics are practically falling over themselves to craft the most cutting lines possible. The internet at large loves a punching bag, and right now it’s “Borderlands” turn to take a few jabs to the face.
Let’s make something clear
Before I begin my extremely lukewarm defense of “Borderlands” (heck, lukewarm might be too strong, perhaps tepid fits better), let me firmly lay out my stall: “Borderlands” is not a good movie. I’m not here to rally against all the rotten reviews, and suggest that it's misunderstood, or that it’s “good fun” and critics are taking it too seriously.
“Borderlands” has numerous, and catastrophic, failings in almost every department. Right from the off, it’s woefully miscast. In particular, Kevin Hart as gruff soldier Roland feels like a casting decision you’d see in a "Saturday Night Live" sketch. Jamie Lee Curtis isn’t much better as awkward scientist Tannis and Ariana Greenblatt’s Tiny Tina has none of the character’s eccentricities, though that may be a good thing.
Then there’s the fact a very mature series of video games (well, the Borderlands games are very immature in tone, but are stuffed with cursing, potty humor and pulpy violence) has been converted to an accessible PG-13 movie, which simply doesn’t fit this universe whatsoever. Where are the crass gags and buckets of blood?
And I’ve not even touched on the messy narrative that feels like it was rewritten to death (perhaps that's why "The Last of Us" co-showrunner Craig Mazin asked for his name to be removed from the screenplay). “Borderlands” is a victim of awful pacing, bizarre plot contrivances, and a third-act “reveal” that is so blindingly obvious I genuinely laughed when the movie presented it as a shocking twist.
'Borderlands' isn’t all bad
The above isn’t even an exhaustive list of all the movie problems. I’ve not covered the bland action or the generic soundtrack that apes “Guardians of the Galaxy” in the worst way. But that’s not to say that “Borderlands” flops in every single regard; there are a few elements here that made my watching experience at least somewhat tolerable.
For starters, while Cate Blanchett is miscast as Lilith as she’s presented in the Borderlands video games, for the movie's interpretation of the character, she is a far better lead than the flick deserves. Blanchett has a natural gravitas and helps sell some very poor material. Plus, she kind of rocks a bright neon orange wig!
The other cast member that I greatly enjoyed was Jack Black as the voice of the one-wheeled robot Claptrap. The little yellow irritant seems to be dividing viewers online (I saw one post calling him “Jar Jar Binks times 1,000”), but his fizzy attitude, quippy comebacks and sarcastic remarks had me laughing throughout. Yes, the already infamous extended gag of him pooping out bullets is painfully unfunny, but otherwise, I found Claptrap a hoot, and so did the audience members around me. I was not the only one laughing in the (barely half-full) theater auditorium.
The “Borderlands” movie also does a fine job of mimicking the game’s cel-shaded graphical style. The world of “Borderlands” is visually distinctive, and the movie brings that to life in a generally pleasing way. What’s happening on screen may not be that interesting or especially well written, but at least it often looks very nice.
I’ve seen worse movies this year
My motivation for writing this article really came about from how many people on my social feeds have been labeling “Borderlands” the worst movie of the year — including people who I suspect haven’t even watched it for themselves. I’m strongly of the opinion that 2024 has already served up several slices of cinematic waste that are much worse, and some of these have escaped without similar levels of criticism.
For starters, “Night Swim” is a horror movie that sees a family haunted by a possessed swimming pool. And its biggest crime is it doesn’t even have fun with such a ludicrously stupid premise. Yet, this po-faced attempt at horror has more than doubled the review score of "Borderlands" on Rotten Tomatoes. At least the wretched “Madame Web” is more appropriately rated at 11% on the same site.
However, my pick for the biggest blunder of 2024 to date (but surely it can’t get worse?) is the truly painful “Argylle." Say what you want about “Borderlands” but at least it’s over in a little over 100 minutes. Conversely, the juvenile and outrageously missold “Argylle” dares to command almost 2 and a half hours of your precious movie-watching movie time. I would rather rewatch “Borderlands” twice back-to-back than sit through “Argylle" all over again. How it’s managed a comparatively respectable 33% score on Rotten Tomatoes I simply cannot understand.
So, while I definitely do not recommend you actively seek out “Borderlands,” if you end up being forced to watch it at the request of a loved one with poor taste in media, you can at least take comfort from the fact there have been a few worse movies released this year. You might even gleam a brief modicum of enjoyment from "Borderlands" in a few spots, much like I did. But frankly, my overriding advice is to skip all the flicks mentioned above and go watch “Dune Part Two” again instead.
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